In Reply: Sleeping Naked

I’m new to YouTube in the sense that I started watching content on there for entertainment around last summer. Before that, I only bothered with it when I needed a “how to”.

My first watch for the sake of watching experience was when I came across Teens React, created by the Fine Brothers. I was instantly drawn to them playing video games because apparently, I love gaming so much, I enjoy it even when I’m not involved.

From there, I discovered the pleasures of Shane Dawson, whose flamboyance I welcome in small doses, my powder-soft, dimple-cheeked celestial counterpart that is Dan Howell, and BuzzFeed.

BuzzFeed was like a party at the Dalai Lama’s house. I came for the food and stayed for the philosophy. I don’t care much for the pop culture stuff because slit my throat, but I like that they speak candidly about things that impact us all as a society, whether it be racial tensions or candy that’s gross.

Their Debatable videos are arguably (hardy har) some of my favorites simply because they expose the absurdity of the lines we draw in the sand and the fact that we feel very strongly about things that won’t matter at all on our deathbeds – unless our deathbeds are really comfortable.

While on the subject of death, considering how deep graves are, I’m pretty sure that having one foot in the grave would necessitate also having the other foot in the grave. Yes, I know it’s just a way of saying that someone’s about to die. I’m just pointing out that no one’s inseam is that impressive.

Back to the point, whenever I watch one of BuzzFeed’s Debatable videos, I’m amused that everything mentioned on either side of the fence is something I’ve actually allotted brain space to at some point in my life. There are even times when they mention something I didn’t consider, like the fact that the toilet paper will just go round and round when it’s under versus over instead of unraveling.

So color me surprised when I watched their latest video about sleeping naked and no one made what I believe to be the most obvious argument against wearing clothing in bed:

Friction.

There’s little to no friction between my fitted sheet and bare skin. Furthermore, my skin is a part of me that, unlike clothing, can’t move in an opposing direction.

These things mean that when I’m naked, I can freely contort my body into any number of geometric shapes, replicating crop circles with my limbs, without having to worry about fabric twisting around my neck or restraining my arms or bunching up into my various cracks.

Clothing is restrictive when you’re lying down because your body is pressing it against a surface. It doesn’t always move with you and it can only move so much when you’re sliding around like Snoopy on ice before you have to adjust it given that friction will inevitably cause the fabric to “stick”.

How many times have you had to lift your body off the bed into a yoga pose to fix your precious pajamas? Perhaps you needed to smooth an uncomfortable origami fold your shirt created under your back. Maybe your boxers were riding up and you had to get your thighs off the mattress to yank them out of your scrotes.

You know how many times I’ve had to lift myself off the bed to adjust my skin? None – because I’m not a mutant.

In short, is sleeping naked better? Well, like the good lords of BuzzFeed said, it’s debatable, but you know what isn’t? Physics. So while you’re doing the worm to get bits of that oh so comfy sleepwear out of wherever it shouldn’t be or to escape the web of silk you’ve woven around yourself merely by rolling over, I’ll be catching my zeds.

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